Do you remember that scene from Guardians of the Galaxy 2 where Yondu and Rocket are trying to explain to Baby Groot where to find Yondu’s spare head fin and Baby Groot brings back pretty much everything on the planet except the damn spare head fin? That’s most interactions with The Freeloader.
The other night we had some friends over and they brought their daughter along. She and The Freeloader were playing nicely upstairs when suddenly she appears in my foyer wailing, dripping blood from her lip. It looked like she may have face planted and bit her lip, but no one was really sure what happened. I went upstairs to ask The Freeloader how her friend got hurt and it went something like this:
Me: How did she get hurt?
Freeloader: I don’t know.
Me: Did she fall?
Freeloader: Yes.
Me: Did she trip on something?
Freeloader: Yes.
Me: What did she trip on?
Freeloader: She didn’t trip.
Me: You said she tripped.
Freeloader: No I didn’t.
Me: Did you hurt her?
Freeloader: Yes.
Me: What did you do to hurt her?
Freeloader: I didn’t hurt her.
Me: Did you have a fight?
Freeloader: Yes.
Me: What did you fight about?
Freeloader: I not fight with her. She my friend!
So, clearly that situation was going to get resolved suuuuuper easily. The problem was that her friend also couldn’t tell us what happened beyond verifying that The Freeloader didn’t do anything to contribute to her injury. But like……damn.
And the thing is, this is only one example. Asking her to bring me her shoes is ridiculous. It’s a full 3 minutes of me repeating “They are on the floor, behind you” while she turns in bewildered circles acting like she does not understand what shoes are in the first place, let alone what the words “On the floor behind you” mean.
Plus, when she’s angry, the similarities between her and Baby Groot become even more remarkable.
Truth and Tantrums 